For a small child, his parents are the most important people in life, idols and role models. And whether you want it or not, your children copy you and your behavior. How to become a worthy example for a baby? These 10 tips of psychologists will help you understand yourself and change if it will be necessary for you personally and a happy future for your child.
Let your words not be at odds with the deed
If you teach a child in a cautionary tone, to do something in a certain way, and then you yourself do exactly the opposite, then your whole upbringing will come to naught. Think about what you teach your children and learn with them, be a worthy role model for them.
Whose affairs are more important
The easiest way to regularly brush off the child, referring to the fact that you have a lot to do, that you are busy with an important occupation. But for the baby at this moment there is nothing more important than a wheel falling off a toy car. Or do you think his case is less important than yours? Well, don’t be surprised if in 10 years he will start telling you straight ahead, “Mom, leave me alone.”
Even the question of the New Year's deception of children by the advent of Santa Claus is considered by many psychologists as a negative contribution to the upbringing of children. Because then disappointment will come from the surfaced truth, then a couple of years older guys in the yard will start to laugh that your child still believes in such childish nonsense. Before you lie to a child, even with the best of intentions, think about the consequences of your seemingly innocuous lie.
Fear is not the best assistant in education
To scare with punishment, to scare the arrival of dad from work, to scare evil uncles - this is a relic of the past, understand, finally. Now is such a progressive time that an attempt to subjugate a helpless still child through intimidation is a disservice to him in life. Yes, he will be scared, because everything that his parents tell him, he takes at face value. But will he respect you when he grows up?
To beat or not to beat
Definitely not. Your child is a person from birth, whether you want to admit it or not. And he just needs to grow up in order to begin to reveal and manifest his natural potential inherent in nature. But you can easily repel such a desire. Parents raising their hands on the child make the most serious mistake in their life - they kill and break the personality in him.
Keep secrets entrusted to you
Let the story about a treasure buried with friends in the sandbox of a kindergarten seem funny to you. And how not to discuss with friends that your baby has already fallen in love at the age of 5 with a girlfriend from a neighboring yard. And these were his most secret secrets. Will he be able to continue to trust you after that? And the world around him?
Give him the right to vote
Often you can hear a suicidal phrase when you listen to what children 3-4 years old are chatting among themselves. This sounds especially hilarious when some hot-tempered boy in an argument starts shouting “I said!” So it is imprinted in the subconscious from an early age, dear mothers, this is your “I said”. Find the opportunity to make reasonable arguments to argue your position. And listen to the baby. He must also have the right to say. Because even a 2-year-old baby already has a need to make a choice and I want to distinguish from I do not want. Take into account his wishes, reasonably justify the refusal, compromise - and then your child will grow up to be a wonderful and adapted person for life.
Keep your word
Because it directly depends on your behavior whether the child will also fulfill the promise. And if he gets used to the fact that your promises are worthless, then he will behave accordingly.
Give him the opportunity to live his own life.
Let him make a choice, let him make decisions, help him in this, but in no case make the child live as you would like. Because you think that a cook is a terrible profession for a boy, that you won’t be full of playing the violin, and the like. Help your child broaden his horizons, show him something new that may interest him, but do not forbid being yourself.
When the children grow up, they will leave your home and you will be sad that gradually they forget about you. Now you need them. But when your child was so necessary to you, when he was scared and lonely, where were you? At work from morning to night. And from childhood, the child is sure that his parents do not love him and therefore constantly leave him. Love your children, spend as much time as possible with them until they grow up, because then they will no longer need it.
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How to become a good mom to children
A truly good mother does not feel guilty about her actions. She is simply happy that she can give her baby attention, care and love.
Every mom needs to take note of these simple tips:
- Do not strive for the ideal. The constant pursuit of excellence will spoil the life of you and others. Life with a baby becomes very unpredictable.
- Try to be patient. Children - creatures are restless and demanding, moreover, they create a lot of noise. But this does not mean that they want to test mom’s patience, they just need her help and attention.
- Get rid of guilt. Do not blame yourself for staying at home with your baby instead of going to work. The choice is made, and blaming yourself is a waste of energy, time and nerves.
- Take time for yourself. No need to be a martyr and bear all the burden on your shoulders. At the slightest opportunity, you need to take time for yourself.
- Learn to restrain your emotions and do not scream at the child. This negatively affects the psyche of the baby. If this happens, you must definitely apologize to the baby.
Only a mother can put love for the world and trust in people in the heart of a small person. Therefore, you do not need to torment yourself with painful thoughts, it is better to have a fruitful and pleasant time with your baby.
How to be a good friend and companion for a son and daughter
It must be understood that harmonious communication with the younger generation is much more important than order in an apartment or career growth. Therefore, even if mom works, she must find time for this. The baby should be hugged more often, speak kind words to him, ask about the past day, listen carefully to his problems, even if they seem insignificant.
It would be nice to come up with a joint ritual. It can be evening swimming, reading fairy tales, singing. A preschooler will know that this time is completely devoted to him, and it will be much easier to perceive the absence of a mother during the day.
It is advisable that in the evening the whole family dine and spend time together - this very connects the older and younger generation.
Mom should never try to make her daughter an improved copy of herself. A daughter is a small independent person with her own strengths and weaknesses. It is better when a mother trusts her daughter more and is attentive to her. So the girl will know that she is loved the way she is.
Do not forget that in the upbringing a great role belongs to the father. It is important that he also spend enough time with his offspring, love them and take care of them. The example of a father has a huge impact on sons.
Motherhood is a great happiness. You need to cherish this time and try to educate a worthy person out of your baby.
1. Love but mark the boundaries
Raising an unspoiled child is always a balancing act between two extremes: love and the boundaries of what is permitted, warmth and severity, generosity and rejection.
Every morning, ask yourself: “If I could teach my son (daughter) only one thing today, what would it be?” Check to see if the answer matches your educational goals. And in the evening, ask the security question: "What did I teach my child today?"
2. Stop patronizing!
Good parenting is not about making sure your child is happy. It is more about teaching him how to deal with failures, failures, mistakes and troubles.
Constantly protecting the child from anything that can cause frustration will not help him master this critical skill. This will not teach him to overcome difficulties, relying only on his own strength.
Stop patronizing your child. Give him the opportunity to learn how to manage his life on his own, while the mistakes are not so painful.
3. Learn to empathize
Unspoiled children are taught not always to put themselves at the forefront. Instead, they can take into account the opinions, desires and interests of those around them (especially close ones).
Empathy is an ability that enables a small person to think and look at what is happening from the perspective of another. This is the foundation for the development of character traits such as respect, restraint, kindness, and selflessness.
4. Develop financial responsibility
One of our main tasks as parents is to teach the child to live, relying only on himself. This means that we must teach him to manage his finances independently, and not wait for endless handouts from his parents.
If you feel something like a “golden ATM” for your children, then the most sensible decision would be to close your wallet.
An unspoiled child is one who understands the words "no" and "not now."
6. Teach to give, not just receive
Give your children the opportunity to understand that they can change lives simply by giving or doing something to other people. Indeed, many of them do not even realize that this is possible.
Somewhere I came across an article in which it was said that generous children are not only less selfish and value others more, but also happier in life.
One of the best ways to protect a child from selfishness is to periodically involve him in volunteer work that does not involve material rewards.
7. Replace “I” with “We”
Children are self-centered. They think that the world revolves only around them. They are more concerned about themselves and their own needs, and they do not pay attention to the opinions and desires of others. And in order not to allow them to focus only on themselves, you need to take them away from the infinite "I-I-I" and teach them to think in the "we-we-we" format.
Here are a few simple expressions that you can use when referring to your child:
- Let's ask Masha what would she like to do?
- Remember, we always share!
- Ask your friend what he would like to play.
- Now it’s your brother’s turn.
- Let's help mom clean up the room.
Try to always emphasize "we."
Parenting is not a popularity contest! There will be many cases when you have to make a choice, and your child will not always like it. But, if you have made a decision, follow it to the end.
Understand one important thing: you are responsible for your child, and he, in turn, needs you to grow up to be kind, caring, responsible and attentive to other people.