Useful Tips

Shy in bed: shy during


Some women and men wonder, “Why can’t I relax during sex?” When you do not get true pleasure from intimacy, it is reflected in all areas of life, and not just in relationships with a partner. It is important to understand the cause of the problem so that it can be solved. Consider how to learn to relax and enjoy sex.

Source of problem

In order not to complain, they say, I can’t relax during sex, I need to understand why this happens. The reasons may be as follows.

  • Reproductive system diseases. In this case, it is worth being examined by a specialist.
  • Incompatibility with a partner. During intimacy, he commits wrong actions.
  • Psychological complexes. Many are simply unhappy with their appearance. They may be shy of their face or body, even if everything is in order with this, so they can not relax.

  • Extraneous thoughts. After a difficult and hard working day, intimacy is usually so banal, boring and unpleasant that you don’t want to enter into it. This can be fully explained. Thoughts about business simply prevent you from thinking about a partner and focus on your feelings.
  • Not the right time. If intimacy comes at the wrong time, it is very difficult to relax and tune in to enjoyment. From timeliness, thoughts arise: “Why do I not feel anything during sex?”
  • Wrong place. Of course, the reason is rather ambiguous. A universal and ideal place simply does not exist. However, exactly where the partners are attached to love, greatly affects the experience.

You can fix the problem by finding out the true cause. Perhaps in your case there will be several. Listen to effective recommendations on how to learn to enjoy sex and relax during it.

Love yourself

In order to make love with pleasure and enjoy intimacy, you need to accept yourself as you are. If with an objective assessment you understand that you have flaws, then immediately begin to make efforts to get rid of them. Go for a massage, go to the beauty salon, go in for sports, or take useful procedures. If you have an imperfect figure, remember, the partner still paid attention to you. Perhaps, on the contrary, he likes some kind of flaw. It is necessary to understand and love yourself.

Place and time

You can choose absolutely any place. The main thing is that it be comfortable and enjoyable for both partners. Many people like the classic version - a soft, warm and comfortable bed, which allows you to completely relax.

Others, on the contrary, need a shake, so they prefer the most unexpected places (elevators, changing rooms, parks, etc.). Why not give it a try? Just be vigilant and do not go beyond decency.

When is the best time to have sex? Experts recommend entering into intimacy spontaneously, and not according to plan. For example, invite your partner to take a bath together - water procedures will necessarily end in sex that will bring pleasure. Or, before bedtime, give your other half a long, passionate kiss. He will excite not only a partner, but also you.

Don't think about anything

It’s hard to have sex when various thoughts come into your head. For a while, forget about everyday activities, worries and problems. Drive away extraneous thoughts, switch to a partner and your feelings. If it’s very difficult for you to do, remember some pleasant moments that are related to sex. For example, it can be an unforgettable night in which you have received maximum pleasure.

Also try not to worry about the fact that your partner will soon experience an orgasm during sex, and in the meantime you will be left without it. Understand that the main thing is not this, but the process itself. In addition, intimacy can be repeated after some time. And this is not necessarily sex in the classical sense. Petting and oral sex also bring a lot of pleasure.

No Dope Sex

Doping refers to alcohol. Many use it to liberate and enhance sensations during intimacy. It really helps to relax, become more confident and courageous. But alcohol dulls feelings, and the pleasure of sex is no exception. Therefore, making love with your partner is better on a sober head. So it will be much nicer! If there is absolutely no dope at all, then you can afford a glass of wine at most.

Tune in to sex

Most often, a woman can not relax during sex. This is due to the fact that a woman needs to prepare and tune in to enjoyment. The sensations received will largely depend on this. If we get down to business with a clear understanding that heavenly enjoyment will soon come, it will be so.

However, one must be aware that sex is not necessarily an orgasm. Of course, for many, it is a kind of endpoint, peak, peak of the process. But just for the sake of it, making love is definitely not worth it. Intimacy may not end with an orgasm if the partner is tired or very excited due to everyday activities. Therefore, you need to enjoy the process, concentrate on the sensations and enjoy every moment, and not expect an orgasm.

Do not rule out foreplay

A very important part of preparing for making love is the prelude. Moreover, women need much more time to “warm up”. When a man experiences an orgasm, his partner is just beginning to approach the peak of pleasure, so do not forget about foreplay. Pay special attention to the erogenous zones, and then you will see that the girls moan during sex. Why don't you try to make the foreplay longer? This is a very helpful recommendation.


Getting pleasure largely depends on the preparation of the vaginal muscles. This is because sensations and orgasm are the result of their contractions. To enhance the sensitivity of the pelvic organs, it is necessary to ensure a rush of blood to them. This can be achieved by training. Exercises for the press will give a good result. They will tighten the muscles, ensure the correct location and support of the uterus. Kegel exercises are very useful, the effectiveness of which has long been proven. Their meaning is that you need to consistently strain and contract the vaginal muscles.

Study the body

If even you are not familiar with your body, then the partner knows nothing much. He simply has nowhere to get information on which “buttons to press” in order to deliver true pleasure. Only through trial and error can you understand how to completely relax during sex. Therefore, study your body, look for your erogenous zones. This can be done alone if you are shy, or together with a partner. The latter option will be more enjoyable and fun.

Feel free to ask your other half to look for your erogenous points with you. He will certainly be carried away by the idea and will do it with enthusiasm and self-forgetfulness. Just do not forget to show your partner that he hit the target. This can be done using words or violent expression of emotions.

Feel free to make sounds

Loud sighs and groans are a great way to communicate with each other while making love. They help express desire, excitement and enjoyment. Experts say that men and women who prefer to have “loud” sex are more satisfied sexually. This is rarely the case with those who engage in comforts in silence. Moans help convey information about preferences to a partner, indicating the most pleasant moments.

Have you ever wondered why girls moan during sex? It has long been proven that women use vocalization in bed to achieve orgasm. Loud noises help to saturate with oxygen and automatically enhance pleasure, thereby moving closer to the peak point. Moreover, the girls are well aware that the sighs and groans of men are very exciting. Therefore, they successfully use it to warm up the interest of their chosen one, accelerate orgasm and increase his self-esteem. So feel free to make sounds during sex.

If you are often visited with thoughts: “I can’t relax during sex”, then think about the technique of making love. Perhaps you are doing something wrong, although this concept is purely individual and quite extensible.

Rhythm and breath

The rhythm in sex is very individual. One likes slower, softer, neater and gentle movements. Others prefer sharp and quick shocks. When making love, pay attention to which option you like the most. This will help to relax and experience pleasure.

Proper breathing is also essential for true enjoyment. When enough oxygen enters the body tissue, they get everything they need. If you take the deepest possible sighs, then the blood will flow to the small pelvis, and the sensations you experience will become not superficial, but brighter.

During sex, choose the best poses, which, in your opinion, are the most pleasant. For example, for maximum penetration, a man becomes behind, and a woman occupies a knee-elbow position. In common people, this position is known as "dog-like." To feel like a partner with your whole body, to enjoy kisses and tactile contact, it is better to make love missionarily. For a woman to control the situation during sex, she needs to sit on top and become a “rider”. These positions are considered the best, but they may not suit you. Make love the way you like it best.

Practice for relaxation

Sexologists recommend using special practices to relax and enter into a state of rest. They help get rid of extraneous thoughts and tune in to enjoyment. They can be performed periodically at any time, not only in front of intimacy. Practitioners will teach how to relax during sex in order to experience pleasure.

Relaxation should not be neglected, it is very important with the crazy modern rhythm of life. If during the day you performed serious tasks, then after a hard day you need to relax. Otherwise, the tension will remain in the body, and the state of anxiety will develop into a chronic one. It is recommended that you complete at least one practice for ten to fifteen minutes each day. Only with regular classes can you get rid of stress.

Consider what practices exist to develop the ability to relax during sex.

This practice is considered very effective. The point is to get on your feet and begin to wriggle with your whole body. Including you can shake your head, arms, legs and hips. Perhaps it looks funny, but the result will certainly be. Be sure to try, especially if every day you are wondering: why I can not relax during sex.

When performing the exercise, it is important to periodically change the rhythm. Otherwise, some muscles will constantly work, while others will be at rest. Turn to practice with a good mood, with a sense of pleasure and pleasure. Focus on your body, listen to it and trust it in impulses.

Also a very effective method for relaxation. You need to lie on the mat and roll so that you feel the maximum contact of the body with the floor. That is, you must occupy the maximum area. It is important to wallow from one side to the other very slowly. This practice relaxes well, be sure to try!

Spontaneous dance

This practice is best done barefoot, listening to the desires of the body. The exercise will be more effective if you turn on the music, which alternates from slow to active and vice versa. This will allow you to move smoothly and actively dance. Ideally, you need to do it alone so that no one sees. So you can close your eyes and learn to listen to the body. Over time, you will understand how to relax during sex. It should not be movements of beauty or seduction, but a dance of its natural origin. You can imagine yourself as some kind of animal. Release excess activity, rage and the adrenaline that has accumulated during the day.

1. Stop pointing out your flaws

First you need to understand something. Never, NEVER point a man to your shortcomings. Some girls know how to do this very competently and to the point, but the vast majority of girls achieve only that the man begins to really pay attention to these shortcomings, and the girl gradually loses points of attractiveness in men's eyes.

If a girl constantly, over and over again, belittles herself and her attractiveness, the man will begin to think that he apparently was mistaken and in fact the girl is not as good as he thought.

We all don’t like something in ourselves, in our appearance, but it’s not necessary to talk about it at all . Just stop doing it. And I strongly advise you to read the article "How to respond to compliments correctly."

Confidence in yourself and your body (even this confidence and pouting) is better than derogatory conversations addressed to you and the plaintive eye.

And the purpose of this event is not only that the man does not start to look at you one day with different eyes, but also that by saying such things aloud during intimacy, you strengthen the useless habit and, as it were, “anchor”, firmly bind the bed in your head and its flaws. Do not do it this way.

And one more important tip: learn to believe your man . If he says that you are beautiful, accept this as immutable truth. If he says that you have a great figure - that means it is. If he says that he likes the way you do something - just believe it and try to enjoy the fact that you make a man nice.

The reasons for the complexity

The thing is that, unlike men, in women, during an intimate relationship, the brain continues to work. She is constantly thinking about something:

  • shy of his body. This is probably the most common complex. The woman is embarrassed, especially if you have to undress in the light. It seems to her that there are only flaws in her figure, and they will disappoint her man,
  • shy of embodying sexual fantasies, shackled and clamped,
  • afraid to not like a man. This is due to some psychological problems, negative experiences of the past,
  • wants to prove herself an experienced and sophisticated lover - the search for new ways of seduction leads to the fact that in the process a woman constantly thinks what to do next, and why something does not work
  • constantly tense during the day due to domestic problems or professional activities,
  • afraid to get pregnant.

How to relax?

To get rid of notoriety, gain confidence in sexual relations and, finally, feel relaxed, you need to learn a few simple secrets:

  1. Learn to love yourself. Use the auto-training method. Often look at yourself in the mirror, measure different outfits, experiment with makeup.A woman confident in her attractiveness will not be complex.
  2. Learn to trust your partner and accept him for who he is. Let your man not quite meet your requirements about how a lover should be. For sex to be truly wonderful, it must happen for love.
  3. Take care of reliable contraceptives.
  4. Watch instructional videos that will teach you not only the art of seduction, but also relaxation. Sometimes you can watch some erotic movie with your man to create an appropriate atmosphere.
  5. Talk to a man. Tell him about your fears and constraints. Sex is not a place for secrets.
  6. Diversify relationships. Perhaps you will be satisfied with classic candles, music, wine. But do not get drunk to get rid of embarrassment.
  7. If you are embarrassed to undress in front of a man, choose the clothes in which you feel confident and sexy. Take off your clothes gradually. Today you will take off your blouse in the light, and tomorrow it will come to the skirt, and then to the linen. Expose the part you are proud of. Make the lights dim. Let it not be a chandelier, but a small lamp or candle.
  8. If you want to try something new, feel free to do it. Afraid it won’t work out? Talk with a partner to support you.
  9. Cast aside thoughts on quarterly reports or unwashed utensils. It will wait. Here and now there is only you, your partner and your relationship.

Trust and experiment, and then your sex life will improve!

Special breathing

If for some reason you cannot lie, shake your body or dance, but you need to relax, then try this technique. It is very simple and accessible to everyone. Take a deep breath, mentally collect all the accumulated tension in the body, and then exhale sharply. So alternate actions for at least ten minutes. If you breathe this way, you will experience deep relaxation. This is what you need after a hard day.

Belly breathing

When performing this practice, you need to inflate your stomach like a balloon when you inhale, and when you exhale, blow it out. The easiest way to feel this breath is when lying on your back. In this case, it is better to position the legs so that the feet are on the floor, and the legs are bent at the knees. In this position, the stomach and lower back relax as much as possible, which many women need during sex. It is also recommended to put one hand on the chest, and the other on the stomach. This will allow you to control the correctness of the exercise. So you understand that you are breathing in your stomach, not your chest.

Understanding with a partner

To experience true pleasure, you need to choose the right partner. Of course, ideal compatibility is rare, but you should still strive for it. Try to give pleasure to your loved one, and he will answer the same. Feel free to talk about sex, show wishes and discuss feelings. These should be affectionate requests, not intrusive advice. Over time, if this is your person, you will achieve full understanding.

Now you know how to relax during sex and enjoy the process. Use the recommendations in practice and make love with pleasure!

2. Increase self-confidence through real actions

Now for the most common root of the problem of being pinched in bed: dissatisfaction with their appearance. On the appearance, girls, you need to work if she does not suit you.

I am not a fan of advice a la "love your body, no matter how it looks!". Having listened to such advice, the girls in the body painfully try to make a revolution in their heads and fall in love with their jelly-like forms and folds of fat. Seriously? Someone seriously believes that this is a way out?

Not. This is an unhealthy path, because it creates a semblance of cognitive dissonance in the head: the girl simultaneously hates her fat, envious of slender girls, and at the same time tries to love him. Such things are harmful to the psyche.

A healthy way that will really bring results and self-confidence is to go in for sports and reconsider your diet or even lifestyle.

And so in everything: do not like fat - get rid of it, do not like yellow teeth - take care of them, do not like acne on your face - find the reason and get rid of it.

Yes, for this you need to work on yourself, and sometimes also spend money. But the goal is worth it.

Isn’t it better to be confident in yourself because you really look good, and not because you have told yourself fifty times in a row: “I like my body, I love my body ...”?

But this is about fat, acne, yellow teeth, the smell of sweat and excess hair.

If you are worried about your characteristics, which you yourself dubbed shortcomings (“the chest is not big enough”, “the legs are not long enough”, “the nose is somehow unerotic” ...) - go back to the advice “ believe your man ". If he says that he likes, then he likes. Everything. We drive the resisting cockroaches from the head.

4. We solve psychological problems

It must be added that sometimes tightness in bed is not due to self-doubt, but because of deep fear and other psychological problems that arise from negative experiences in the past. Moreover, such problems, although not in the majority, but in a substantial percentage of girls.

Unfortunately, these problems cannot be solved in one article. But it is necessary to solve them, otherwise you will suffer all your life. And decide with a competent professional.

Therefore, if you feel that you don’t be shy about your body, and you can somehow sort of know how to do it, but some kind of abomination in your head does not allow you to relax and still this feeling “I am shy during intimacy” remains - turn to good psychologist.

Having said and worked out that blackness from the past that does not allow you to feel safe and turn off your head, you will become much happier and learn to enjoy not only in bed, but in life in general.

If you didn’t have any tin in the past (no one bothered, your parents set a good example ...), and your self-doubt comes from a banal teenage past (you weren’t a popular girl, the boys didn’t pay attention, someone laughed ...), then you can do without psychologists.

But self-esteem must still be raised. Moreover, if you yourself can’t cope with this task and you are not already 16 years old, and in communication with men you still feel constricted every time, then be sure to pay attention to the article What should I do if I feel like a sucker?

Let everything work out for you! Build self-confidence, it’s easy, and life will be much better)