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If your teenage daughter is pregnant, she may be afraid to tell you about it. There are many signs, such as changes in mood and behavior, by which pregnancy can be recognized. If you suspect that your daughter is pregnant, do not rush to immediately share your concerns with her. Do not forget that the only reliable way to determine pregnancy is a pregnancy test. Therefore, you will need to take your daughter to the doctor or buy a special test at the pharmacy.
Having learned about the pregnancy of a minor daughter, parents sometimes do not behave in the best way: they scold the girl, sprinkle with reproaches, threaten with denial of financial assistance, and force them to have an abortion. This is the first reaction of parents to shock news. Having calmed down and thought well, of course, they would not have acted like that. But they didn’t have time to calm down and think - and the teenager may give back his shock reaction, which could result in leaving the family and even suicide.
Therefore, dear parents, if this suddenly happens in your life, try not to bring down your first violent reaction on the child. Yes, indeed, you have the right to be offended, cry, scream, complain ... But then. And not in the presence of a pregnant girl. As calmly as possible, ask her how she found out about her pregnancy, what is the term, who is the father of the child, does he know about the future baby and what is going to do next. Ask your daughter what her desires and plans for her future life are.
Try not to respond to her answers. In general, nothing: do not comment on them, do not give them an emotional assessment - just ask to clarify the situation. Perhaps there is no pregnancy: there was sex, there was a delay, and the girl does not have enough information to draw the right conclusions. But maybe there is - then your daughter needs parental support.
How to talk with daughter
If you feel that resentment, fear, anger overwhelm you, that you are not able to resist the scandal, in no case start a conversation. Set a day and time and prepare yourself seriously for it.
Talk with loved ones and discharge emotionally, discuss the situation with them, think carefully about your suggestions, drink a sedative if necessary, and only then start talking with your daughter, avoiding elevated tones.
I advise you, before talking with your daughter, to call psychologists on the crisis hotline. There are psychologists involved in teenage pregnancy, and the call is free from any region of Russia. 8-800-100-4455
Many parents focus on their experiences: they are ashamed, scared (that they don’t have enough money, that their friends will discuss and condemn them, that all the cares for caring for the baby will fall on their shoulders) - and they tend to blame the daughter for this. But if pregnancy occurred in adolescence, it means that you were mistaken in something: you didn’t talk about your sexual life with your daughter, you didn’t pay enough attention and love to her ... Responsibility for what happened is divided in half between the daughter and parents.
Think about the fact that your beloved girl, herself a child, also experiences fear! Fear of condemnation by parents, relatives, friends, teachers, classmates. Fear of being abandoned by the child’s father and not getting settled in life, not getting an education, not raising your child. Just take pity on her and give her a shoulder! Otherwise, why do we need a family if in the most difficult moments of life it does not support, but finishes.
After listening to your daughter, try to accept her new status and unite with her in solving the problem.
During a conversation, it is important to take into account the vulnerable teenage psyche, the tendency to impulsive actions and hormonal changes in the body of a pregnant woman - all this together can push the girl to rash decisions. Be careful not to cause irreparable.
No matter how difficult the conversation with your daughter turns out to be, be sure to tell her that, despite what happened, you still love her and are ready to support her. Ask how she now feels what decision she would like to make. If the daughter sees in you an ally and protector, she will be frank with you. And only in this case you can help her.
- Visit a antenatal clinic or your gynecologist with your daughter - find out what condition the future mother’s health is and how the pregnancy is proceeding.
- If you decide to keep your pregnancy, buy some good books on this topic, write down your daughter for specialized courses to prepare for childbirth.
- Then, in a relaxed atmosphere, talk with your daughter about the fact that she is now responsible for the baby’s health. Provide her with information about how to eat, what exercises to do, what to avoid, what harm the fetus is caused by alcohol, smoking and some medications.
- Make sure that your daughter is educated. Now it may seem to both you and her that study is not the most important thing at the moment. Serious changes have taken place in life, and education can be continued sometime later. Unfortunately, “later” may never come. And to raise a child without education in modern life is almost impossible. Focusing on the health status of their girls, parents should find out what forms of education their school offers (whether academic leave due to health reasons or home schooling is possible).
It is naive to hope that after an abortion, life will return to its previous course. If your daughter is already having sex, it means she may become pregnant a second time, and a third. And sometimes abortion leads to infertility - and the daughter will address you with all the reproaches about her failed life.