Even if you have an interesting and well-paid job, a smart and competent boss and pleasant colleagues, a single gossip or brawler (there are plenty of such among men) can ruin everything and completely discourage you from going to work and even make you think about changing your job.
But quitting your favorite job because of one person who is not even your leader is an impermissible luxury, so it’s better to think about ways to neutralize the enemy in advance.
Four main types of “working enemies” are distinguished. These are brawlers, gossips, complainers and talkers.
Let's consider what their characteristic features are and how they need to resist:
BRAWLER - This person does not need a good reason to start shaking the air with screams, gradually switching to ultrasound. An open door, a cup of unfinished tea on your table, or just an oblique look in the direction of a brawler will suit you as a reason for voice exercises.
In no case do not start shouting back - the brawler is only waiting for this, because for such people a quarrel is the best way to have fun and tone yourself up. In addition, stepping on slippery ground to sort things out, you will certainly lose, because the brawler has much more experience with such hassles.
The best way out is to keep the Olympic calm and the most radiant and benevolent smile, to give the brawler a good shout and let off steam. Seeing that you do not intend to swear, the brawler will quickly lose interest in you.
Another way to neutralize a brawler is to show pity. As soon as insulting words are sent to you, say: “I understand that you have problems in your personal life, do not worry, everything will work out!” - or something like that. The brawler will be discouraged.
GOSSIP - if you unexpectedly began to notice the puzzled looks of your colleagues in your direction and whispering behind your back, most likely you have become an object of gossip. Perhaps you once inadvertently shared with some of your colleagues the details of your personal life, and after that your story has grown into completely unbelievable details that the whole team is now laughing at.
The only way to deal with gossip is to keep your mouth shut in his presence. But constantly proud silence is boring, so you need to be able to figure out the enemy in time. It’s not so difficult to find out a lover of delving into someone else’s underwear: if a person starts asking you for details of your stories, asks to retell a quarrel with her husband in roles and in all details, constantly inserts remarks like: “Oh, as I understand you!”, “A what did you answer him? ”- most likely, before you is a finished gossip. At first, it may seem that you have finally found your best friend - the gossip will certainly pretend that he is worried about you as a native, but it is from such “best friends” that you should stay away.
Well, in order to finally protect yourself and your reputation, never say nasty things about bosses and colleagues, otherwise your chances of making additional enemies will greatly increase.
At COMPLAINER everything is always not thank God: his child is constantly quarantined in kindergarten, he himself has a bunch of health problems, his taps flow with enviable constancy, his apartment is undergoing permanent repairs, and his mother regularly needs scarce medicines. As a result, overwhelmed with sympathy, you meekly shoulder the responsibilities of the complainant and work for two.
Having heard in your ear a plaintive whimpering and a request to stay at work, feel free to start complaining in response. Surely you also have a number of domestic problems that need to be addressed immediately, and if you have complete order at your place, you can easily tell the complainant about the troubles of your friends, passing off their problems as your own. Complainants usually immediately run away, they hate their own kind. If you are a direct and grated person, you can declare that you do not intend to work overtime without any remuneration, and send the complainant to the boss’s office in order to talk with the boss about being paid extra for your help. 100% success - history knows no cases when someone comes to the boss with such an offer.
CHATTERBOX - the most harmless of all office enemies, but no less annoying from this. He can torment you for hours with measured muttering, ruthlessly tearing you away from work, lulling and preventing you from concentrating. The talker is sure that you are extremely interested in his opinion about the weather, the unstable situation in Iraq and the rise in world energy prices, and all your attempts to interrupt a useless conversation, as a rule, do not lead to anything.
Usually the talker does not care how attentively they listen to him. And therefore, if you have a happy ability to distract from extraneous noise, do not pay attention to the talker, imagine that his conversations are something like a rumble of cars outside the window. If constant chatter is bothering you, pretend to be terribly busy. Put papers on the table, say that you don’t have time, and promise that you will certainly talk to the talker as soon as you find a free minute. A great way is to put a visual barrier between you, a flower or a monitor, even a talker will not talk to a person who is psychologically “separated”.
The best way to win is to live well.
Yes, yes, it is very simple and accessible to everyone. If you are envied, then you, in the opinion of this person, dress well. So dress even better, let “burst” with envy. Look at what exactly attracts a loser, maybe a purse, shoes or wardrobe items.
Of course, it will be very nice to update the wardrobe by buying beautiful things. But you can get by with "little blood", change things, choosing beautiful combinations from what is in your arsenal.
How else to arouse envy? Rest, travel. For a while you will simply disappear from the field of vision of the poor man and he will be tormented even more, lost in conjecture, because without you, without your appearance, an envious person does not receive recharge and therefore literally physically depends on you. And disappearing from the visibility, you will affect the person, and he will become weaker. The fact of mutual influence during removal or approximation was also proved by scientists.
Arrived from a trip, post photos, share the details of your vacation with friends, the envious person needs to get a lot of information and he will inquire with details even small details. Do not refuse, but do not negotiate a little. Let the person’s imagination run wild, let him think you were splashing around in the champagne pool and eating fresh sushi or lobsters with lovely strangers.
How to change yourself for the benefit of yourself
Of course, “black” envious people take a lot of energy, they literally suck it out, but you have to be cheerful and cheerful. Remember that the spleen, pain, complaints are all those feelings that a person with a broken life needs from you. He rejoices at your failures and is saddened by success. And the stronger the failure or success, the stronger the feelings of the envious.
Change yourself, getting rid of the habit of complaining and you will feel yourself that after a while life literally “turned its face”. There will be fewer reasons for disappointment, an envious person will not be so annoying anymore, he will simply run out of energy - not a single person can draw his emotions bottomlessly, and an envious person will weaken all emotions.
The best way to confront the enemy is surround yourself with loving people, friends, to visit and invite people to themselves. There is no need to close oneself, look for a way out - it has long been found, you just need to give yourself the opportunity to live a full life and not think that someone is “suffering” looking at your happiness.
Envy consumes huge resources of the body, but there is nothing infinite, and soon this person will stop sticking to you. You too will gain a lot, because even without paying attention to envy, you lose vitality.
And you should not think that all this is revenge, by no means. This is just self-defense, and most effective in this situation. Helping yourself, you will help the unfortunate person who spends his life on envy, the more emotions he has with you, the faster he will “get enough” of them and less harm other innocent people.
Listen to man
When dealing with an unfriendly person, behave calmly. Try to find out what exactly he wants to tell you, perhaps his behavior is justified and has a foundation. Some people tend to carry their own problems into conversations with other people. Such behavior, in fact, is irrational, but it is usually characteristic of many people. Most often this happens when meeting strangers who are not worried about someone else's emotional well-being. They easily express their dissatisfaction with the interlocutors.
Another cause of hostility may be the presence of prejudice and hostility, for example, racial, professional, etc. Such people, as a rule, are stubborn in their views; it is difficult to convince them of the falsity of their defended positions.
If you feel that you can’t convince a person and a conversation with him can turn into a conflict, stop talking.
Find out the true cause of unfriendliness
If, after listening to a person, you do not understand the reasons for his behavior, prolong the conversation in the same spirit. Ask him leading questions. Such people, as a rule, are too impulsive; they often resort to harsh language to convey their thoughts. If his answers are reasoned and rational, it may be possible to quickly resolve the situation. In any case, try to get the conversation back on track.
It is difficult to communicate with some unfriendly people because of their lack of proper behavior skills. They, as a rule, sincerely do not understand that they are rude to their interlocutors. In such cases, there is nothing else left but to say directly that they are too rude.
Detection of ill-wishers
Before you start a fight with ill-wishers, you need to identify them. After all, it often happens that they are in the circle of relatives and friends. Moreover, when they say unpleasant things, hearing them is especially difficult. If the remarks of close people depress a person, if after them his hands drop, then you need to look the truth in the eye and admit that these people are really ill-wishers.
However, no matter how hard it is, it is worth considering: what if they are still right? In this case, you need to think about what real obstacle can stand in the way of the goal and think about how to overcome it. The right solution is almost always found.
Often, you can very badly damage a person, inspiring him with their negative thoughts. In this case, it is necessary to replace them with their own positive beliefs.
How to turn an enemy into an ally
Since ill-wishers have always been and always will be, one should learn to simply ignore them. They cannot harm a person who ignores them. If the negative comes from loved ones, which are impossible to ignore, it is better to entice them to your side. You can simply agree with their statements and ask for help. Each person is pleased when they listen to his opinion. Most likely, he will gladly come to the rescue and will soon turn into an ally.
You can pretty much ruin someone's life using only jokes and ridicule. In order to disarm a mocker, sometimes it’s enough to laugh with him.
Sometimes it happens that people simply misunderstand the actions and actions of others, then their biased attitude may be caused by a lack of accurate information. You just need to enlighten them about their actions and intentions. If you do this in a tactful, polite manner, the person’s opinion may change, and he will change his attitude.
If it is not possible to convince a negative-minded colleague or acquaintance, there is no need to quarrel, quarrel with him and, moreover, proceed to insults. You just need to go to your goal, not paying attention to it.
Unfortunately, ill-wishers are found in everyone's life. But this is only one of the many obstacles to achieving the goal. And, like any obstacle, you need to boldly overcome it. Any, even the most violent ill-wisher, if desired, can be defeated or turned into an ally.